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New Medical Treatment of Obesity
Doctors have discovered a revolutionary new approach to clinical treatment of obesity -- medically prescribed unrestricted food orgies. They have found that this astounding revolutionary nutrition program can actually help you grow big.

In this program not only are you required to eat as much as you want of anything you want whenever you want -- you are prohibited from exercising -- ever again. Regular fresh air and exercise have been found to be counter-indicated and can actually defeat the purpose of this program. You get all you need of the five major food groups - fats, carbohydrates and plenty of pure carbon in a variety of delicious dishes all designed by medical staff with gluttony in mind.

Never before has there been a treatment regimen met with such open arms by eating disorder patients.

Director Stanley Eatmore gave a brief interview to this reporter in the corridors of Saint Anne the Large Hospital waddling on his way to the commissary: "We expect to see Medi-Cal standing behind this program with full support in the very near future. It will not be long before prescriptions for gross over-eating will be paid by Insurance, Medi-Cal and Medicare program. This is truly a great day for nutrition."

  Cure for Goiter Eludes Doctors
Doctors have given up all efforts to cure the goiter of actor Curtis Armstrong. Instead they have turned their collective attention to the production of ceramics. As it turns out, the treatment protocol designed to reduce Armstrong's rather large goiter works perfectly for the manufacturer of Raku.

"I thought sticking my head in a kiln was a bit odd." -- Armstrong


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