Chapter II
by General (Uncle Claude) Xxaxx
& General (E.J. Gold) Nunan PFC 1st Class Ret.

My name is Little Roy, and I'm a Goober. It used to make me sad and afraid. I was battleship gray until I was sixteen, and even then, my bubble only turned a light half-hearted muted powder-blue long after everyone my age was already downright fluorescent.

Professor Woo told me that the hermones and hismones made the bubbles change colors and that I didn't have enough of either, at least not to become a normal Citizin.

Professor Woo said that Citizins were walking steroid factories. It was me that first told her about the Earth slowing down. It's because of the hole in my roof; my favorite star, Blinky, always crosses the middle part of the hole directly after Pinky. Normally, Blinky shows up about midnight, but I noticed that it seems a little later each night.

Professor Woo says I'm an idiot savant and that I can tell time from inside my head better than a lot of fancy chronometers. Idiot savant -- I've been called worse. The pink and blue bubblers called me gray-boy for awhile, then Goober-head when I asked to be assigned to Professor Woo.

Xpeariments are bad. Every little baby Citizin when they get their first bubble knows that all xpearimints are bad. One of the really good things about the bubbles is that it knows you so many things that you never have to go to school or look up anything to learn stuff.

You'd really have to be a Goober-head if you went to school and you already had a bubble that told you everything you needed to know.

Bubbles won't grow on the Eggheads. I think they're stinky if the bubbles don't like them . Bubbles grow on almost anybody, even babies that can't walk. It don't matter if you have an outie or an innie, a bubble grows out of the bellybutton anyway

Egghead mommies have to change the diapers of Egghead babies. Citizins don't make poo-poo and pee-pee. Professor Woo says the bubbles are mutoid slimy molds that eat the poop and pee on contact.

My bubble almost fell off entirely when I was three. Professor Woo thinks it might have something to do with my being gray for so long; I just wasn't boy or girl enough she said. I would just die without my bubble. The bubble makes me feel good.

Sometimes your bubble starts wiggling and jiggling where you go pee and turns lots of bright colors. It makes the bright bubblers happy. All the other kids are real happy to have their bubbles make rainbows. My bubble must be not happy with me; it never turns colors near my pee-thing. Professor Woo says this has something to do with my bubble almost falling off; this means I'll never have a baby.

Professor Woo says he can't be a mommy. Even though all Eggheads can't have babies, there's no way he can become a mommy, because mommies have milk things on their fronts and don't wear man-clothes, and Professor Woo happens to wear a blue-surge soot.

My mommy said that she did not like making babies with my daddy. She told me all about what happened when they did. When a girl gets a certain age, her bubble will stop making colors until she does this thing with a boy.

She says it is really bad because not only does the bubble embarrass you by not changing colors it grows away from the area, and you have itchy stuff around your pee-thing until you let a boy give you a baby.

That's why I told Professor Woo about Blinky showing up late. After he called me idiot savant, he said his friends would want to know about it right away, and that they'd need to verify my observation.

I like watching the stars. I had to poke another hole in the roof after mommy had it fixed. The Earth is slowing down. I don't think Professor Woo's friends are going to like that one bit.


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