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That's it.
And some of them are going to be special guests. So guess where that leaves you?
Unfortunately--and we wish it were otherwise, but it isn't--it leaves you in competition with hundreds of folks who want to attend.
Why only 24 avatars in a single room?
Well, actually, our palace server allows forty per room, but we tried forty.
Let's put it this way; have you ever been in a chat with a full room of twenty-four avatars?
Imagine the total mayhem of forty. A hundred, on our commercial server, is just plain unthinkable and incredibly chaotic and, although we are loyal to Discordia, (Discordia Be Praised), it makes for a miserable time for all instead of a great time for some achievable by limiting the number of avatars present in any chat chamber to 24.
In our nightly chats, that generally works out to about eighty, sometimes a hundred, actual participants, represented by the onscreen twenty-four virtual participants, get it?
Now, in our bardo chats, when everyone talks at once, the server overloads and craps out and we all wait a half hour to get back into the space.
We are not going to overload our server at the EasterCon. Ishtar Would Be Angry.
After all, wasn't it She who paved the way for the kid?
And if the Flayed One wasn't the very first--Innanna has her beat by 1200 years--She certainly gave the Underworld a run for its money, right, Eurydice?
When even a few avatars, be they Gods, Graves or Scholars, start jabbering away in an online chat, it doesn't all register the way an auditory conversation would; in separable memory-chunks.
Try reading even four speech-balloons at once for about two hours at a stretch, then multiply that by at least four workshops, and you get an awful lot of confusion and lost sense.
There are rules to chatrooms, and all attendees need to know exactly what they are. If you do not know the Rules for Online Workshops, you can find out about them by clicking on the words "Rules for Online Workshops", above. If you needed to be told that, you need to click on our Newbie Orientation Page.
If you decide to register for the EasterCon, you'll need your Sucker's Badge, (your own Convention ID number, so you can access special events, etc.).
In addition, you'll need instruction on how to load in special props and costumes for your avatar. Dinner with E.J. and friends is strictly black tie...and nobody comes with just a tie, to anticipate your thought.
While we're on the subject, no obscenity of any kind at an Easter Invocation, not even joking, not to express free speech, nothing. You get weird, you get kicked out, with no return privileges. We'll refund your registration.
No crashers will be tolerated. There will be live security, not a 'bot, at the Gate.
This is a serious invocation, even though there are many elements of humor in it; we are sure you will appreciate knowing that everyone is contributing toward a great invocation this year.
We have to do an Easter Egg Hunt, of course, and we have to do it Big. How come we decided to organize an Easter Egg Hunt on the Net? Well, frankly, until the hens grew up--we don't know what got the original twenty hens, we needed the eggs.
We've grown some more auricuana hens and fortified the chicken coop. Our cow is foaming at the mouth, so we tipped her over and switched to margarine, but not corn margarine because of the horrible mold in corn meal.
Chicken? Never eat the stuff myself. As you know, I am a giant blue four-legged chicken my own self, and I, for one, am not a fan of William Golding or his lot.
Mark Einert has photographed the beautiful Easter Eggs that you'll be looking for, and we have a fantastic new way of playing; the first, second and third place winners will each receive giant (40"-48"), large (30"-36") and medium (20"-24") plush toys from our immense Vintage Plush Toy Shop's collection.
If you would like a huckster's booth at the EasterCon, you must apply now to work out technical details with Jehovah Xxaxx.
If you are a Registered Jehovah, you are permitted into the House of Many Gods. If not, tough luck.
You might wonder why we're charging for a workshop which obviously (it's on the net and in a desktop computer, after all) costs nothing to put on.
That's where you're wrong. The only place it costs less is for you; no airfare, lost time at work, hotel and meal and transportation around town and to and from airport, no tips, no bar bill, no diarrhea tablets or heartburn remedy to buy full retail at t o in the morning, no cabbies to contend with, baggage handlers to horrify even the most hardened samsonite owner, no crosstown or downtown or airport traffic and best of all, no hiv exposure.
That's right. Dating in our cons is strictly virtual, and what could possibly happen to an avatar?
You'll find out, if your fully equipped avatar visits our Protected Bardo Chatroom. Everything comes off, including scriptwriting and props. We challenge any visiting God to overcome our PowerZap which makes any obnoxious visitor suffer endless virtual onscreen multimedia torment while disallowing them from disconnecting or exiting the chamber.
Other treats await, such as The Wishing Well Of Morris Greenblatt, DDS(tm), where you are granted any three wishes by the famous--well, let's say more like "infamous"....no, more like "notorious"--Morris the Genie resides.
Another EasterCon feature will be the Temple of Morris Greenblatt. When you get there, you'll note that there are in fact two temples. The other one is the temple to which Morris would not go.
Morris the Giant Blue Chicken is our mascot/high priestess for the occasion, and is expected to moderate the Special High Muck-a-Muck Virtual Banquet on Sunday afternoon at 4 PM Pacific (USA) Time.
If you are an international guest, you'll want to arrange a special Pre-Convention Chatroom Meeting With Uncle Claude to arrange technical details and downloads of special programs so you hopefully won't get bumped out during the invocation.
If you are a skilled chatroom operator, or have a T-1 or T-3 line that can be used for this and/or other workshops/cons, please let us know.
We are looking for a 24 hour host for our Bardo Chatrooms, operated live around the clock, for those who find themselves Dead on the Webb, which means some sort of guaranteed annual funding for our own T-1 line, where we'd be operating as our own server.
This could come none too soon from some generous donor...it could even be you.
We are, as you know, in spite of the best efforts of several unnamed government pencil-necks, nonprofit & tax-exempt, and thus entitled to squander hard-earned donors' money on wild projects such as operating a fixed-frequency chatsite twenty-four hours a day for those in bardo-crisis, are in a terminal way, or have died and do not know where they are.
We have many examples of direct spirit communication through electronic media. It's easy to trigger electrons; much easier than spirit trumpets and table knocks.
As many of you know, Baruch was the first to crossover and demo this on the Computer Rescue Squad's terminal, back in 1983.
Since then, we've received over one thousand spirit communications through our special CrossOver Con-Tact(tm) (IBM & Compatible Only) software.
Let's see; what else can I tell you about the Easter Workshop? Well, that it's not just any Easter scam; it's billed as God's Greatest Easter Scam.
Skeptical? So am I. I've seen the best at work, and I doubt we can beat the record, but our staff says they can deliver and I, for one, am not about to go down in history as the jerk who said it couldn't be done.
Now, keep in mind that the EasterCon will be chock full of all sorts of games and stuff, and you can even win great prizes like RealPelt(tm) Extinct & Endangered Species Products belts, wallets & lampshades, and delicacies like Chocolate Doggie-Doo a la De Groot, specially prepared by gourmet God of Chocolate Willem de Groot and downloaded to your screen for your virtual plaisir.
If you're as dense as I am as a Newbie (if you don't know what a Newbie is, you are one) you'll appreciate having the above spelled out:
We download graphics of food stuff to your computer. You don't actually eat it, unless you're in the habit of eating computers.
You may not believe this, but some people actually are on record as having eaten computers. The United Kingdom's infamous Havelock Ellsworth is one such, and there are many more, I'm told.
What else is happening at the EasterCon besides a moderate gathering of idiots of the same, yet different, persuasions?
Beats me.
Oh. Some kibitzer just told me over my right shoulder to be sure and mention the competitions, like the Rolling Stone Contest--not a rock n' roll extravaganza, but a computer game in which the contestants each try to roll away a stone in front of a first century Roman Occupation Palestinian Style Jewish Gravesite. With a little ingenuity, it can be done.
Then there are the midway games, like Pin The Head On Marie Antoinette and Spin The Wheel of Karma.
Of course, all our most chilling BardoTown(tm) Carnival favorites are there, too, like Feet Goes To A Crucifixion and De-Rez, Before It's Too Late, plus the House of Mirrors and the all-time favorite, the Tunnel of Remorse, for former lovers.
We also plan to announce plans to announce plans about the BardoTown(tm) Virtual Theme Park, but we're waiting for results on that T-1 line from donors like yourself.
If it sounds like we're pushing the donation of a permanent online address a bit, we are. The need for a permanent 'round-the-clock Bardo ChatRoom is becoming more and more evident as the tiny chatroom we're able to operate sporadically, fills up and we're forced to turn away terminal patients who want and need to get online direct with us.
Anyway, back to the Easter scam; I didn't want to bum you out, but it's been on my mind a lot, lately...
Easter scam, Easter scam...oh, yeah....lessee:
There ought to be some great 3-D online rides, too, but there aren't. The technology is here on our end, but realtime audio/video 3-D is still slow enough to give a painful lag, so we're waiting a few more months until the next major timelag breakthrough.
Oh. I'm informed by the same kibitzing nudge over the same right shoulder that there will be several rides and mazes offered online:
e.j. gold,
Presiding Shmuru
God's Greatest Easter Scam
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