The Conference started on Friday morning with Robert Thurman presenting. Paul Barry attended what was apparently an amazing presentation, and he will soon be reporting on it for t-g-a.
The afternoon presentation, with roughly 200 people attending, was a relaxed, informal and quietly informational discussion between Ram Dass and Kyabe Gelek Rinpoche. It was entitled, "The Three Phases of Dying," and it began with some moments of quiet until Ram Dass started talking about his stroke of about 3 years ago and how it had changed his outlook. Before the stroke he had published the book "How Can I Help"...but the experience of having to accept help and the knowledge that this was the guru's blessing led him to reformulate the question as "How Can You Help Me?" The gist of this, to this writer, seemed to mean: helping someone by only serving them could actually be taking their work away from them, but keeping an awareness of what they need and allowing them to help you thru their work, being challenged by their work, may be a better path. Ram Dass practices guru yoga and as he explained when you are a part of the gurus work, helping you allows another to help the guru. Noone's work is superior to anothers.
Ram Dass went on to say that he doesn't feel that "I" is material and that this is a dilemma for his doctors. MDs have a cultural feeling that they can't let their patients "die on them."
The Rinpoche quietly affirmed Ram Dass's opinions and outlined the differences between this western denial and the eastern acceptance of death as a natural process. He said that without the consciousness revolution of the '60s we would never have gotten even this far in our openness to the eastern philosophies. He described a model of death as being a return to the place from which you had come before birth, of getting in touch with the original.
Ram Dass talked about bedside care...how it is easy for the ego to get very caught up in all kinds of different role definitions rather than simply making the necessary effort to "be present" with he or she who is dying. Sitting with the dying is a good Sadhana or spiritual practice. You can directly observe yourself. When you are mad about something you convey that anger to the person who you are sitting with. But if you remember the teachings or Guru you can use his eyes to give the dying person a different psychological environment. Maintaining a good death bed scene is very good practice. Ram Dass went on to tell a story about his mother-in -law's death and how at one point when he was sitting with her "there were only 2 souls and it didn't matter who did the dying."
Ram Dass then showed a film about Tim Leary's death, illustrating Leary's great joy in life and totally open approach of humor and questioning right into the deathbed.
The discussion then moved into the question of the Buddhist philosophies of the Bardos and the afterlife. The Rinpoche reiterated that the moment of death has no map, no statement, and only uncertainty. The identity changes and the gross mind forgets everything, the memory is erased and only some sort of imprint remains- that on the primordial mind. If one has made efforts of wisdom during the life they may be able to stay with the primordial mind for a longer time. He likened the imprint to a "mental gene" which survives the death and whose interaction with the physical is what is called life.
There were many questions and the talk took on the wonderful "give and take" feeling that happens when the audience is completely engaged as a part of the discussion. One question that stands out as summarizing the theme of the talk as a whole was "What can I do to become a better caregiver?" Ram Dass answered, "Work on Yourself."