Sightings Received Friday July 31, 1998

Washington
Source Name: Shallow Swallow
Time of Sighting: July 31
President Clinton said Friday he will testify "completely and truthfully" when questioned by Independent Counsel Ken Starr about his (Clinton's) relationship with Monica Lewinsky. Meanwhile, prosecutors are having the FBI test one of Lewinsky's dresses, a key piece of evidence in the final weeks of an investigation into alleged presidential perjury and obstruction of justice. Clinton's Attorneys are suing for possession of the dress in question. Dead Elvis (to right of Clinton) says bids for the soiled dress have reached the 6 figure level. Speculation on undergarment futures has reached in excess of $63 million. "One spurt on a nylon panty is worth more than all the colors that VanGogh guy squirted all over his canvas. Just goes to show where American's heads is at..."

Florida
Source Name: Fred M.
Time of Sighting: Just the other day
More than 30 years after they were sentenced to death for two murders they did not commit, these Florida men received $500,000 each from the state Monday for their wrongful conviction.

Freddie Pitts, 54, Wilbert Lee, 62, and Dead Elvis, dead, who are black or at least funky, twice were convicted by all-white juries of murdering two white gas station attendants in 1963 in Port St. Joe, a Florida Panhandle fishing and paper mill town.

It was admirable the way the judge in a 1972 retrial did not allow the jury to hear the confession of another convicted felony who passed a lie-detector test proving he was in fact the one responsible for the killings. To avoid the jury being confused by facts the judge suppressed this confession leading to a second confiction on false charges.

Shows what a few beatings, hate, and suppression of the truth can do. Eh, Judge?