SmogOps Canteen

Mike O’Malley Peddles the Oils

by Gen. Zarnox for the Perfumerie

Mike O’Malley, a top sales-being of Alchemical Gold Essential Oils was in town conjuring up a marketing storm. He wisely took advantage of his visit to attend the SmogOpsTM Canteen, the galactically famous artist’s salon where the Post Pop Art Movement was spawned and continues to thrive. The highly charged field of creativity at the Canteen has the not unpleasant side effect of producing spontaneous brain-storming sessions as it did on the fateful night of Mike’s visit.

E.J. Gold, host and founder of the SmogOpsTM Canteen soon began downloading his extensive experience with sales and marketing to Mike. What follows is a condensed version of this information.

E.J. discussed three main points relative to sales:

1. Keep a low inventory. You only need to manufacture the items that are going to sell. Sell what sells. But it’s also smart to bring along samples of other products to show the buyer that there is a variety to choose from. Manufacture your less frequently ordered items upon demand.

2. The most difficult aspect of the business will be collecting receivables. No immediate solutions were suggested to solve this problem although later in the dialogue the idea of discerning who and who not to sell to was brought up. It was pointed out by both Michael and E. J. that it wasn’t necessarily appropriate to sell to everyone who was willing to buy or enter into every store that might carry the line.

3. Strategize how to get past the receptionist to the buyer. It’s wise to develop friendly relations with them. For instance you can find out when their birthdays are and send them cards. They’ll tend not to forget you and be more helpful. An approach that was emphasized more than once was to take the attitude that the wholesaler and the retail outlet are in business together. This may sound obvious but the tendency is to think just the opposite. Tell the people buying from you to consider themselves in partnership with you. Let them know that you’re both on the same side. You want them to succeed with your product and will do everything possible to help.

E.J. said that there were 3 kinds of salesmen.

1. Those that sold a lot at the beginning of the month. They would reach their quota right away and then coast for the rest of the month without sales.

2. Salesmen that sold very little all month and then sold well in the last few days to make their quota.

3. The third type of salesman plods along selling slow but steady to reach their quota by the end of the month.

In each case they’re limiting themselves by their own self worth. Each salesperson will sell as much as they allow themselves to sell.

The 60 minutes principle was also mentioned, so-called because it was the formula that the T.V. show, 60 Minutes used for its success. It goes like this: zero interest, zero attention, zero information. You can’t convey information if you don’t have a person’s attention and you won’t have their attention unless they’re interested. Interest a person in something. Their attention will follow and you will then be able to give them information.

At one point E.J. exclaimed, “I love to do street work more than anything! But I don’t sell, I do theater.”

He went on to say that what the customer was buying wasn’t the product. They were buying the interaction that took place around the sale. The product is simply a souvenir of the transaction.

As Mike was preparing to leave, E. J. said to him, “No matter what product you produce, if you are connected to the School it is an artifact. Your heart is in the right place and everythng follows the heart.”

Note: An expanded form of this talk is available through The Perfumerie.



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